humor

In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly. But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East. Note: information about sequels available in epilogue author's notes.

“Three weeks,” Derek says. “Still don’t want to,” Stiles says. “I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so… “How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“ “My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.” “A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.

Hermione convinces Draco to spy for the Order and she becomes his handler. But what are his true motivations? Hard to say when he's still figuring that out himself. WINNER: 2022 Top Dramione Fics on Reddit4th Place Wartime2nd Place BAMF!Hermione .............................................................. Draco cut her off. “You may have my wand, but you're not in control of the flow of information here. It’s not your life on the line.” Granger bristled at his assertion. “My life is on the line every day.” “So. Is. Mine.” He growled back. “Give me my fucking wand and don’t be so bloody obvious when you contact me.” She narrowed her eyes. “I already told you I'd be more careful next time.” She better be. “One more thing.” “What, Malfoy?” she snapped, still angry she hadn’t gotten the information she wanted. He pointed his finger at her so she would understand how important this was. “You need to learn Occlumency. If you’re captured, I’m dead.” She stared back in defiance. “We both are.” He couldn’t argue with that. She tossed his wand to the floor and Disapparated with a crack.

In one galaxy, the novel was never read. In another, it starts a landslide. Or what happens when the Mandalorians learn that the Jedi are exactly what most of them look for in a partner.

“What is it you win again?” “You.” “What?” “If you win I’ll give you money for a taxi so you can get back to the dorms, but if I win, I own you.” Or: a seemingly innocent game of Go Fish evolved into something neither one of them had ever expected.Love was just a four letter word until they gave it life.

Nightwing has to bite back a laugh. “Gotham is a no-fly zone for more than just the JL, Supes. But, from what Blud knows, chances are that whatever you’ve heard is probably true.” Superman pales, which is anything but unexpected. Pretty much all of Gotham tends to be horrifying to Outsiders, as Nightwing is well aware. The question here is which rumors Superman decided were concerning enough to actually look into, the answer to which could be literally anything from the pollution levels to the regularity of the city-wide Fear Gas attacks. Or something entirely outside of the usual spectrum of Things That Outsiders Need To Stop Freaking Out About, Nightwing discovers when Superman blurts, “But the Waynes aren’t actually possessed, right?” …Ah. Well, crap. Or, in Gotham, it’s been common knowledge since the very beginning that the Waynes are unwitting hosts to the parasitic Bats, who protect Gotham and its people from threats both internal and external in turn. There’s nothing anyone can do about it, even if they wanted to. (That’s… not actually what’s happening, but nobody needs to know that. The Batfam is too committed to the bit to pull out now.)

Roy (5:59pm): JAYRoy (5:59pm): DID YOU SEND A THREAT TO THE WATCHTOWERRoy (6:00pm): ????? The reply came just a minute later, Roy sparing one glance to the chatting Justice League before looking back down. Jay (6:01pm): NahJay (6:01pm): Was I supposed to?Jay (6:02pm): Also, that’s not a dinner dish. Try again, Ed Sheeran Or: How Wally West, Roy Harper, and Kon-El Kent remembered that not everyone just knows the Batfam. Or or: Three times the Justice League needed Batman but conveniently couldn’t get a hold of him. Good thing he has trained bat associates! Wait, what? And the one time they realised it was a whole family.

A game of Smash or Pass with Cherri Bomb makes Angel Dust realise that Husk isn’t seen by others as being super attractive.

Jason gets arrested by Superman and Wonder Woman, while undercover as Red Hood in a criminal organization. Problem is that they don’t know he knows Batman and trying to get free only poses more problems. Especially when it’s Dick, not Bruce that comes to break him free.

When the enigma named Harry Potter stumbled into his world, Tom couldn't have been more unimpressed. That’s not about to stop Harry from adopting him and changing both of their lives. Harry's mission to stop a future Dark Lord’s murder spree and return to a better future and Tom’s pursuit to rule the world and achieve immortality inevitably clashes, and they’ll end up changing the world together. Hopefully, in Harry’s favor. ∞∞∞ Tom raised his head from his book as a distant feeling crept upon him. As if the air was crackling, pulsing with the chimes of a clock tower somewhere, signaling the start of—of something new, he didn't know. The thrum of energy surged in him, an urgency rising that moved him to leave his room, to peer out the age-tinted-yellow window at the end of the hall where he could see the front gates of the orphanage. A blurred shape of a man stumbled onto the threshold with the grace of a drunkard.

When Izuku and Katsuki were kids, they planned to become big music stars like their idol, All Might. With Katsuki on the drums, and Izuku singing, their dream was to have the best band in the world. But after a fight has devastating consequences, Izuku gives up on his own dream so Katsuki can shine. He stands by his side, and secretly (under the songwriter pseudonym Deku) pines for his best friend. That is until fate stumbles in. A tour gives Izuku the chance to have everything he's ever wished for, including true love. Will he take it, or will outside forces, the past, and his own secrets keep him silent again?

Nightwing is late to a meeting due to an exploding building. Batman goes to check him over, licking his thumb to clean his face. As Nightwing complains about it, they learn that no one realized that Batman is his dad.

Tony’s eye is drawn to one candidate in particular. A kid wearing a suit he looks so uncomfortable in that it’s shooting straight past comical to just heartbreakingly endearing. Chewing on the nail of his thumb, his knee bobbing up and down. Drops his pen, and then drops his clipboard when he bends down to pick up the pen.“Call him in first.”-Or: Pepper is interviewing potential new interns, each one looking more nervous than the last. Including one pale but determined kid named Peter Parker. What he has to say is not at all what Tony had expected.Spoiler alert: the kid doesn’t get the job.

This is a story of love, reluctant and unrequited. It is the story of Gon Freecss as he finds himself and where he belongs. The story of how manipulation, murder, mystery, and deceit can both ruin and redeem Gon and the people connected to him, whose lives have been touched by his light..This is the story of Unexpected x Developments..FIRST PUBLISHED (to ffnet) 2014-11-26; (to Ao3)2014-12-21EARLY RELEASE OF CHAPTER ONE 2024-02-14LAUNCH OF RESTRUCTURED STORY 2024-12-21

Gojo Satoru is the most popular guy on your college campus. He's tall, funny, hot, not to mention he's the most talented soccer forward the school has seen in years. But he's also a frat dude, which puts him in a world very different from your own, as he spends most of his nights partying & drinking while you spend most of yours working on your annoying film major assignments. But when he reaches out to you for a favor, you realize that helping him out might have something in it for you too. basically popular soccer boy gojo x focused film major reader.

In order to take all of Granta's holdings for himself, Tor draws on Telosian tradition and marries Granta off to the corpse of someone in his House. This someone is Tarre Vizsla, the last Mand'alor of House Vizsla and Jedi Master of great renown. There's a reason the Jedi usually burn their dead. It's a shame the Tor didn't realize that before he stuck Tarre on a remote moon alongside a Force Blank with a habit of making the Force go just a little....odd sometimes.

When Eddie gets a phone call from his son's science teacher about reasonable accommodations it sets off a series of events that turn his life completely upside down. "I should probably get going," Buck says. "It's a school night after all." Eddie appreciates this devotion to duty, but at the same time he's a little disappointed. He's repaid Buck's favor so now there's no need for them to see each other except on parent teacher night. But he doesn't want that. It's been a handful of hours and the thought of Buck never coming by again already seems impossible. "Look," he says, letting the words come out of his mouth before he can overthink them back in again. "I don't know about you, but making friends when you're a single dad with an insane job is hard. I have your number. Is it okay if I use it for non-school purposes?" Buck's insta-smile is so bright it's practically blinding. "I would love that."

Dionysus's attempt to manipulate Percy into fetching him some wine backfired.Now, he finds himself reluctantly claiming the boy as his son.

Hermione realizes Harry is a horcrux in the Forest of Dean. Harry decides to mock Voldemort about it, and somehow things get better for everyone from there.*******************A valentine's day story written for CloverWoodss who wanted a fic of Voldemort sending Harry a dick pic.

After the newly crowned Firelord Iroh finds out what happened to his father, Ozai and Ursa have no choice but to take the children and flee his wrath. In the chaos, Ozai and Zuko end up separated from Ursa and Azula across the nations. Years later, density brings them together as they aid Team Avatar in defeating Firelord Iroh.

Husk and Angel have been getting along like a house on fire recently, spending more and more of their time around each other. Alastor is aware he's not especially... open to change, but he thinks he deals spectacularly well with this new development. (he does not)

Minho and Jisung follow one rule to protect their friendship: never look up what people say about them online. The only problem is that Jisung is too curious for his own good. And boy is this a case of curiosity killing the cat. (…and satisfaction bringing it back, if you catch my drift).

There aren’t many instances in which Henry would claim he exhibits a colorful vocabulary. In fact, he could likely list them on one hand: when wretched people say the most bigoted things, when the local grocer has run out of their Jaffa Cake stock in the minuscule international aisle, when he gets bored and resorts to writing homoerotic poetry in his moleskin journal with a fountain pen like some lovelorn literary scholar from the eighteenth century. And now, when he’s assigned to a gig he doesn’t want to be at. As in, he would rather publish said poetry to the unrelenting, merciless masses of the internet than be at this gig. “You must be bloody fucking kidding me.” - Or, When Rolling Stone names Alex Claremont-Diaz as the number one rising star to look out for, Henry is tasked with the sole responsibility of photographing him for their cover shot. Which, truly, wouldn’t be an issue—it’s an incredible opportunity—except Henry doesn’t trust that miscreant to be within ten feet of him ever since The Incident™

The kid took a deep breath before meeting Alastor’s eyes with a steely gaze. “Listen, the book said you can do the impossible in exchange for a soul.”“That I can!”“Good. I want to make a deal. My soul for your help with something.”The kid did not even hesitate. Must be desperate. Or stupid. Maybe both. AKA Alastor is not immune to adopting Edward Elric

Tav is an asshole and hands Astarion over to Gandrel at the first opportunity. Astarion is dragged back to Baldur's Gate, terrified by the thought that Cazador is just waiting to get his hands on him again. Luckily for him, a certain Cambion seems to be rather interested in his fate. Raphael offers him a pact: protection in exchange for servitude. Of course, the devil has his own plans, even if it's just to spite his father.

Shortly after Barry is struck by lightning, Iris discovers that not only does he have a secret boyfriend, but that boyfriend is Leonard Snart, a notorious thief. She learns to trust him, however, as they both begin looking into Dr. Wells for Barry's sake. Over the nine months that Barry's asleep, their team grows and they discover more frightening details about the man who was currently keeping Barry alive. Together, they have to figure out the whole truth and make a plan to keep Barry safe before Dr. Wells catches onto them, or there will be no stopping him...

"Their gazes hold in the mirror as Remus takes a small step forward, his chest brushing up against Sirius’s knuckles, his arms still behind him in a halfhearted attempt to hook the corset shut. Remus brings his hands up slowly, starting at the base of Sirius’s spine and gently tracing the clasps already closed. Sirius’s hands fall to his sides but not before dragging across Remus’s abdomen, the tops of his thighs, before settling in their natural position. They haven’t spoken. They haven’t looked away." OR Remus has been in love with his best friend for years and everyone knows it but Sirius, who remains completely oblivious to their feelings for each other. So much so, that he asks Remus to help him with an errand--choosing some lingerie he can wear for his boyfriend, who very much is NOT Remus Lupin. The thing is, Sirius didn't tell Remus beforehand what he was helping him with, which might just be a terrible mistake...or the push they needed.

Those painful cries may be the last thing he hears, but his last thoughts are a different matter altogether. ‘Damn it, I couldn’t see my Taoist Hyung-nim’s waist before I die. Fuck, what a disappointment.’ … Tang Bo’s obsession with Cheong Myeong’s unfairly slim waist seems to have gotten a little out of hand. In which Tang Bo reincarnates, obsesses over Cheong Myeong's waist, and gains the ire of literally everyone.

Chuuya looked up to return the smile, and Higuchi was pretty sure he said something, but she didn’t have a clue what it was when she saw his left hand. His exposed left hand. Or, the students at Bungo University find out that Nakahara Chuuya is married. The only problem: they don't know to whom.

lmao i made a blue lock chatfic cuz none had the exact ships i love anyway yeah they’re like in college but also lowkey still doing blue lock things idk it’s just vibes

With her wanting a change of scenery and pace from her former life as the Hydro Archon of Fontaine, Furina decided to join Aether in his adventures through Teyvat to learn and experience more things in her life. She did not expect that it would be quite a long list for her to know on how to just be an adventurer of Aether's caliber.(Eventual Aether/Furina) As of 03/18/2024 - this story would not be updated anymore as I am currently rewriting the entire thing to accommodate that I want. Those said changes will be on a new story that will be posted in the future once it happens! Will post the link to it here whenever it comes out!

“Why the fuck do you have a pink silly straw?” Alastor is unrepentant as he says, “It matches your vest.” “That’s not what I meant! Why the straw?!” “Oh! That’s even easier to explain! Lessens the mess. Rosie suggested it.” “I’m not a juice box!”

Despite being a big fan of animals, TK Strand has never owned one. He’s never had a reason to enter a pet store, until he gets caught in a torrential downpour. Carlos Reyes knows a lot about pet stores. It comes with the territory, considering he works at one. That being said, none of his in-store training ever taught him how to help a beautiful, rain-soaked stranger pick up the aquarium rock display they just knocked over. OR The Tarlos pet store meet-cute.

“Interesting, interesting. Brave enough to be in Gryffindor, loyal enough to make Helga proud and cunning enough to be a wonderful addition for Slytherin. Where should you go?” “Ravenclaw.” ~ Alternatively how Percy’s sorting goes cause he’s a menace and refuses to make things easy

"Please, Daddy fuck me. I need you so much!" Lucifer let go of her bum and slid his hand under her hip, going straight for her pussy. Her petals were silken with want, and he nodded, deciding that it was wet enough. "Get on your knees, pet. Suck me hard again." Hermione backed off his lap and knelt to receive his offering. Tickling and tapping him with her tongue, she worked it back to full strength. His hand sank into her hair, slowly dragging her mouth closer to his pelvis. "That's my good girl. Are you ready for that dip you've been begging for?" Hermione released his cock and looked up at him in a daze. "Did you say dip or dick?" ______________ Brief Description - A very degenerate piece of work only being written because the Author is horny and can't bother writing a proper plot without sex. Tags- Extremely OP MC, Invincible MC, Evil MC, Perverted Protagonist, Smart Protagonist, Anal, BDSM, R-18, Incest, Daddy kink, Slut shaming, Piss kink, Yandere Hermione.________ To Read 45+ Advanced Chapters, visit my Webnovel profile. Username - SmutDxddy Link is mentioned in the bio at Webnovel.