crack

“Three weeks,” Derek says. “Still don’t want to,” Stiles says. “I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so… “How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“ “My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.” “A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.

In one galaxy, the novel was never read. In another, it starts a landslide. Or what happens when the Mandalorians learn that the Jedi are exactly what most of them look for in a partner.

Taehyung sets the flowers down on the dining table, plucking the card off the little holder. "Dearest Taehyung, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I hope you're thinking about me too. Love--" he pauses and squints before cocking an eyebrow and pursing his lips. "Hyung, why is the boss of your little boy band gang professing his love for me?" Yoongi drops the noodles on the floor with a loud curse as he burns his hand. Or, Taehyung's been trying his hardest to avoid Yoongi's criminal life for a long ass time, but a cute kid and his infuriating father keep pulling him deeper into the mix.

5 times a League member heard Batman use slang + 1 time they knew where the fuck he got it from. (*note, I tried to filter most of the AAVE out to not be disrespectful, it's been pointed out to me that I have not been successful on that front, my apologies, please be aware of that when reading!)

Esther stared at her youngest pups eyes, the press of pure panic edging her features as she confessed her next words. “I think… I’ve imprinted on someone.” Enid’s voice was quiet, the newfound knowledge about how choosing packmates and a life mate making her think. The creeping fear of being pushed away brought a wave of nausea. Murray spoke for her, understanding his mate wasn’t the most gentle with her questioning. “Who did you imprint on pup?” “M-my roommate.”

Nightwing is the newest member of the Justice League! Or at least, that's what he tells everyone that he runs into at the watchtower. But now, the watchtower is taken over and what will the leaguers do? Enjoy!

Nightwing is late to a meeting due to an exploding building. Batman goes to check him over, licking his thumb to clean his face. As Nightwing complains about it, they learn that no one realized that Batman is his dad.

On the day Aemond lost an eye, he was but thirteen namedays old, whilst his darling nephew was merely ten, yet there was blood on that sweet boy's hands. Rather than allowing such a thing to go unpunished, both Blacks and Greens suffer a lose that unites them. Whilst Criston Cole is banished from the crownlands for the entirety of his life and stripped of his titles, Lucerys is banished from King's Landing and Dragonstone until the king seems him worthy to return. Eight years later, Corlys returns with the prodigal son in tow. No one expected for Lucerys to grow into such a violent thing and neither did they expect for him to follow in his mother's footsteps and claim a Hightower as his best friend. But eight years is long. With war in his veins and blood staining his hands, Lucerys has changed. For better or for worse, Aemond does not know.

On especially cold or stormy days, when Izuku's bones burn and ache from years of horrific injuries, he uses Fa-Jin to heat himself up. It may not be as strong as it once was when the Vestiges were still with him, but it's in a perfect sweetspot to both be used as a combat quirk and as a personal heater. The only unfortunate thing is that a lot of the Hero Course girls also see him as a personal heater.

Lois Lane knows her husband wants his ears pierced. This poses some challenges given that her husband is Superman. Then she realizes, her sort-of stepson (brother-in-law? Unclear) has all kinds of piercings, and who does he know well enough to let near him with a kryptonite needle? Tim Drake, that’s who.

“Uh.” Harrington’s eyes are darting up to Eddie’s face and back down to his clasped hands, over and over. “So. I was — but it’s not like that, y’know? Because I’m — and I just wanted to —“ “Harrington,” Eddie interrupts, scowling. “Stop wasting my time. Spit it the fuck out.” Harrington glares at him, eyes narrowing. “Fine. Fine.” He pauses, biting his lip, before saying, “Are you gay?” Eddie’s blood runs cold. His brain stalls. “Uh. I don’t think I understand.” Harrington throws his head back in frustration, cursing under his breath at the sky. The movement ruffles his hair, strands curling around his ears as he looks upwards. When he looks back to Eddie, he says, very slowly, “I was hoping you were gay, Munson, so I could give you a blowjob and prove to myself that I’m good at it.” —— Or; the basketball team unanimously votes that Steve would be the worst at giving a blowjob. Steve wants to test the truth of that with the only guy he knows might be down to help - Eddie Munson.

Getting a call from home is generally welcome, though it’s unusual for it to be in the middle of the day. Apparently though, someone sent the Kent farm a whole truckload of tires with a special request that Clark himself sign for it, someone going by the name Red Hood. Takes place between Ch. 4 and Ch. 5 of Brother of the Fucking Year

Yuji thought he knew Sukuna. He heard plenty of stories from others, experienced his cruelty in person, and had enough evidence to call him a monster.But.Something in Sukuna’s behavior shifted after he almost killed Yuji, and it left the boy puzzled. Why is Sukuna so confusing? Why does he act like he cares? And most important, why does Yuji like this side of Sukuna? Is it just his omega’s instincts speaking? Also, why did no one know he was an omega in the first place?! What do you mean he needs to pretend he's an alpha? Or: Yuji is trying to understand why Sukuna is treating him so special and slowly falls for the King of Curses in the process. He also realizes he was a victim in Sukuna's small plot to hide his real secondary gender, and now they have to face some unexpected consequences.

Nightwing was not a subtle person, but that was alright with Liz. She didn’t mind, especially because one of his passing comments might have just inspired her about what to do for the school science fair.

In which Harry decides to move to America and open a tea shop in muggle New York after the war. An interesting cast of people stumble in. You can take the wizard out of the wizarding world but trouble sure likes to follow. Harry sighs and just hopes his indestructibility spells will let him hold on to his eclectic mug collection. Harry is very done with this. Why is his shop becoming a hub for all the superheroes, villains, and misfits of the galaxy? Also it’s a tea house not a cafe thank you very much!

Those painful cries may be the last thing he hears, but his last thoughts are a different matter altogether. ‘Damn it, I couldn’t see my Taoist Hyung-nim’s waist before I die. Fuck, what a disappointment.’ … Tang Bo’s obsession with Cheong Myeong’s unfairly slim waist seems to have gotten a little out of hand. In which Tang Bo reincarnates, obsesses over Cheong Myeong's waist, and gains the ire of literally everyone.

Chuuya looked up to return the smile, and Higuchi was pretty sure he said something, but she didn’t have a clue what it was when she saw his left hand. His exposed left hand. Or, the students at Bungo University find out that Nakahara Chuuya is married. The only problem: they don't know to whom.

New Rome is a relatively small city and rumors travel fast. Especially those about a certain raven haired, demigod son of Poseidon.Most people agree they can’t all be true… right? RIGHT? OR 5 times New Rome residents learn that the rumors about Percy Jackson are true, and 1 time he tells them the real story.

lmao i made a blue lock chatfic cuz none had the exact ships i love anyway yeah they’re like in college but also lowkey still doing blue lock things idk it’s just vibes

“Interesting, interesting. Brave enough to be in Gryffindor, loyal enough to make Helga proud and cunning enough to be a wonderful addition for Slytherin. Where should you go?” “Ravenclaw.” ~ Alternatively how Percy’s sorting goes cause he’s a menace and refuses to make things easy

“First of all,” Chan sighs, the bags under his eyes revealing how exhausted he is, “I’m glad none of you are injured.” “I have a bruise on my shin,” Jeongin chirps, just to be helpful. He immediately regrets it when he sees the overflowing worry on Jisung’s face and the way Hyunjin looks like he’s about to have a stroke. “It doesn’t hurt. I’m fine,” He immediately amends. “You,” Changbin seems torn between praising Jeongin or scolding him, “Roundhouse kicked him in the crotch.” He accusingly points to wide-eyed Felix next, “And you swung him around like you were playing helicopter and he was the skipping rope.” Changbin flits his eyes to Seungmin, sees the smile of no regrets, and weakly buries his face in his hands, “I don’t even want to think about what you did.” Minho winces, scrolling through his phone, “We’re viral. We’re so, so viral.” (Or, BokSeungAh, and their tendency to be badass when the hyungs aren’t there to stop them.)

Waking up a few thousand years after your death to find a hero school built on your grave isn't the most fun experience. That, Izuku Midoriya can definitely say with confidence. He knew he died. He had to have, after all, his head was still severed from his neck. But the fact that scared him the most now was how he was back. And it took all of his strength not to constantly be seeing himself as a monster.

Satoru and Yuuji have lived together for some time now, hiding from the world that the boy is still alive. They train, Satoru works, Yuuji does chores and cooks... Hm. Let's make it more interesting, shall we? Satoru remembered that Yuuji likes to gamble and... He came up with a great punishment for losing the bet! Or: How Yuuji became Gojou Satoru’s wife for one entire day, and how it came back to bite the man.

After witnessing a group of women practicing pole dancing, Nobara and Yuuji made a bet. Yuuji's honor is on the line, since he claimed he would dance on the pole easily without any actual experience. No one expected the results, not even the present dance instructor. This was the first bet that started the chaos. Or: How Yuuji showed everyone his new-found pole dancing skills only to prove his point.