So No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way
Peter Parker's life doesn't need an influx of new, distinctly spidery Spider-Man powers. He would gladly spend the rest of his days not creating tiny spiders from nowhere, for example. Like, in a, "yes please, I'll take two orders of the 'no spider-parenthood lifestyle,' hold the whip" kind of way. And that's only the start of how certifiably nuts his life has gotten lately.
But... okay, the spiders are pretty cute. And the other powers, well, aren't horrible. He supposes. And if Deadpool seems to think his new spidery skills are great and interesting and hot (which is weird, but not as objectionable as Peter would expect), that's... that's not so horrible, either.
Alternatively: Peter's powers are a joke, he's broke, and his love life... isn't all that DOA.
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See author's notes for tag descriptions and warnings, but for real, this is a mostly cute, constantly comedic foray into spidery!Spider-Man life.