Millicent Bulstrode

Inspired by a post on Tumblr, this is a AU story set during Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, with one big, foul-mouthed difference. Instead of Horace Slughorn, the position of Potions professor will be taken on by...Gordon Ramsay.

Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory. Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy. Malfoy felt inevitable.

‘I wish I’d been born a privileged, wealthy, pureblood wizard. If I was a bloke, maybe you two would respect me enough to hand in your reports on time and not undermine my authority.’ The brightest witch of her age should have been more careful what she wished for. Hermione finds herself in an Upside-down Wizarding world where nothing and no one is quite the same. Set post-Hogwarts.

"Are you ok?!" Draco whisper-shouted in Harry's face. Now, Harry couldn't see all that well without his glasses, but he could make out that Draco looked a bit different — his features a bit more defined with less baby fat. His voice, too, sounded a bit lower, cracking almost like Harry's does occasionally. Harry nodded his head, his mind reeling. "W-w-wha' are y-you d-doin' here?!" Harry whisper-shouted back between his smushed cheeks. "I've come to rescue you, of course!"