bad puns

After months of living in the hotel, you’d come to know and be friends with everyone. You notice that Alastor was acting a bit strange today. Turns out, it’s time for his antlers to shed velvet. In an attempt to become friends with him, you offer to help.

The Aurors have a ridiculous tradition to give people nicknames of the entire opposite of their cock. Someone gave Harry a terrible one, and Harry decided to seek out that particular someone. Things happened, and Harry got his perfect revenge.

"You sold your fucking soul for candy?!" Vox snapped. Of all the idiotic shit he'd heard during his many decades down here, that definitely topped the list. "Yeah, you want some?" You offered sweetly, shaking the container of jelly beans invitingly. He stared at you in utter bewilderment and wondered how the hell had his life gotten so out of control that he was stuck hiding from angels on extermination day in a shitty freezer with a bona fide bimbo?

“Is this a thing now?” Lando grins, leans on the counter and tips closer, “maybe. Would you like it to be?” Oscar bites his lip and flushes a little – which is an image Lando is not going to stop thinking about for the next five hours – considering. Lando distantly wonders what pros and cons he’s weighing. After a few agonising seconds, he shrugs. “Sure. Keeps things interesting.” Lando is absolutely going to take that. Lando is completely normal about the cute barista working at his local coffee shop. So normal, in fact, that he creates a points system based on how flustered Oscar gets over his pickup lines.