Never Trouble Trouble Till Trouble Troubles You AKA: Five Times Tony Got Into Trouble (Not Really) And The One Time Steve Did
In which trouble follows Tony like a shadow and he doesn't appreciate it, and then, it finally latches onto Steve.
AKA: Tony doesn't like to sleep. Tony doesn't like his body. Tony doesn't like his asshole husband and the kidnapping and rescue that follows. Tony doesn't like being sick and he sure as hell doesn't like Steve (his no longer an asshole husband) and Bucky there to witness it. Tony doesn't like getting crushed by buildings, but he'd rather it be him than his (no longer an asshole) husband, and thanks Bucky, but he doesn't need you to rescue him either, because you're still kind of an asshole even if he loves you.
Also, Steve, why'd you break Bucky's arm? Very asshole-y.
(Basically Tony has been given enough misfortunes and would really appreciate somebody sending a few serendipities to his P.O. box through express mail, thanks, that'd be great.)